Thinking Out Loud: Meet Candidate Trump

(The questions below are representative composites. The answers in Italics are actual Trump quotes.)

“Mr. Trump, you say you’ll build a wall between Mexico and America and have Mexico pay for it. Mexico’s president says that’s laughable. Can you be specific about how you will accomplish this?” I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

“Mr. Trump, Senator Rubio says you once hired several hundred illegal Polish immigrants to work on Trump Tower. How do you respond?” “That’s totally wrong!”  “But you were fined a million dollars for that.” He brings up something from 30 years ago. It worked out very well. Everybody was happy.”

“So you admit Senator Rubio is right?’” “Yes, yes, yes. [I lied] 38 years ago.” (It was actually 18 years ago.)

“Mr. Trump, you say you’ll negotiate with drug companies to lower pharmaceutical costs for Medicare and private insurance.” “I will and it will save America $300 billion dollars a year!” “But Mr. Trump, total pharmaceutical sales last year were $297 billion dollars. Mr. Trump?”

“Mr. Trump, you say your business acumen is your chief qualification for president.” “The beauty of me is that I am very rich.” “Yet you’ve declared bankruptcy four times and your original wealth came from your father.” “I borrowed $1 million and turned it into $10 billion.” “Then why won’t you release your tax returns proving your wealth?” “We’re working on it.”

“Mr. Trump, you founded Trump University.” “Yes. At Trump University we teach success.” “Yet several lawsuits have been filed claiming Trump University was a fraud. New York’s attorney general said, ‘It was a classic bait-and-switch scheme. It was a scam, starting with the fact that it was not a university.’ Now students are suing you for refunds of the $36,000 they paid in tuition.” “I’ve won most of the lawsuits.”

“Mr. Trump, a new Telemundo poll says three out of four Hispanics that vote have a negative opinion of you. Won’t that make you unelectable?” “First of all, I don’t believe anything Telemundo says.” “But you used to say you love Telemundo.  Mr. Trump?”

“Mr. Trump do you believe the media have treated you fairly?” “You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.”

“Mr. Trump, given your demeaning statements about women, including Megyn Kelly and Carly Fiorina, are you worried about the woman vote?  “All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me – consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

“Please sum up the reason you should be president.” “We’re gonna make America great again!”  “How, specifically?” “Just you watch!”